Please...

Please don't call yourself "Wetboy".
Please don't spend money on 3 profiles and wink at me through each one.
Please don't email me over and over again... I got it the first time and I'm still not answering.
Please don't take your picture in front of a fireplace, not-your-car at the dealership or with your shirt off.
Please please don't take your own shirtless picture in front of a mirror with your cellphone.
Please don't make me wonder if you are actually a man...
Please don't tell me you have travelled the world... I don't believe you've left Lancaster.
Please don't email me if you live in Lancaster.
Please don't make me do Sudoku to decifer your profile name.
Please don't tell me how successful you are in Winter Amazonian tree climbing..I Googled it (it's not a sport nor a career)
Please don't be surrounded by 5 women in your picture... it's not impressive, it's sad. I know those women are related to you.
Please don't paint yourself Gold, it's upsetting.
Please don't take a photo of your framed high school photo from 1955 and use it as your profile picture... your clothes and hair are dated and the glare from the flash is a tip off. Does your Mom know you did that?
And please, please don't dress like Captain Jack without any explanation. It's scary.